I get it, you watched Bird Box because you kept seeing it everywhere. People were doing challenges and it seemed new and exciting and cool. Well guess what, it’s not anymore. Bird Box is just a movie that has a lot of suicide and birds and wind and people yelling at each other and you need to get over it. You wasted two hours of your life on this movie when really you could have been wasting your time watching these arguably better films.
1. The Mummy
This movie wasn’t even made in the 21st century but at least the plot is actually explained. People are dying because the mummy kills them, and he wants to take over the world and bring back his girlfriend. On the other hand, who knows why the wind is suddenly making everyone commit suicide? Obviously nobody who watched Bird Box.
I get it, you’re really into the whole suicide plot. Weird flex, but this movie would have done you one better than Bird Box. People are still killing themselves for no apparent reason, but you’ve got that 80s vibe to go with it.
3. V for Vendetta
Don’t worry, this movie still has death. I know you like movies with death, because you enjoyed Bird Box whose plot only includes death and rowing blindly through a river. In this one, V actually has a vendetta, unlike this mysterious suicide-causing wind. No birds though, sorry.
4. The Birds
Okay so The Birds isn’t on Netflix, but at least the birds featured in this title actually have a substantial role in the screenplay. I’m pretty sure the birds featured in Bird Box just go “tweet tweet” like twice. I mean, does it even help? Can’t they already hear the wind?
I paid less attention to this movie than I did Bird Box and I still like it more. But then again, where is Harrison Ford??
6. The Brady Bunch
Yeah, I get it, this is a show but at least the mom is nice to her kids. My favorite part is when she gives them all names.
7. Bird Box
Okay this movie is fine, besides every scene being, you know, an implausibility. I’d like to see you use a GPS to drive a car with it’s windows blacked out. Big shout out to the school for the blind.