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"Cold, just like my Ex's personality," says friend firmly in the wrong

The cold weather has been met with varied responses by students. For some, it reminds them of the winter wonderlands when life was simpler, before the Illinois game. For Junior Clark Kentrick however, the cold weather brings memories of dark days. “It’s cold out, just like my ex’s personality,” commented Kentrick completely unprompted. 

When asked to elaborate, Kentrick described the suffering he endured over their previous 3-month relationship. 

“She was just very controlling and needy, ya know. She would always expect me to answer her texts within 24 hours as if I can’t have a life outside of her. Or say “I love you” and expect me to say it back, like ma’am it is not a second Tuesday, you will get your love when it is scheduled geez. She was totally a ticking time bomb, I could never guess what would set her off.” 

Kentrick then produced a list of things that Emily would get upset about which is included below:

1. Clark refusing to clean his apartment when she comes over, despite there being reminisce of his throw up.

2. Clark ignoring her for 2 days straight because his “Juul was dead” so “he was dead”.

3. Clark asking to be hand-fed his meals because “utensils are gross”

4. Clark singing “baby shark” for a week straight.

5. Clark making out with his exes.

6. Clark making out with her exes.

7. Clark lighting her bike on fire to get on Barstool

8. Clark using her grandmother's urn as a bong.

9. Clark yelling “John Cena” in her ear at 3 in the morning.

10. Clark giving her a “Frosty the Snowman” and throwing ice chunks at her while she was in the shower.

Kentrick states that these rules crushed his spirit and bordered on emotional abuse. 

“All my friends said it was a really unhealthy relationship and that she needed to get out, I figured they were so concerned they meant me, so I took their advice and broke up with her, it’s not my fault it was her birthday” clarified Kentrick. 

“Oh and anyone who says I hit her dog on purpose is lying, she’s the one who left the door open because she was too busy crying, I didn’t make the dog run in the street. ”    


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