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Covid Susceptibility Emerges as New Stat Among Badger QBs

The Badgers came out strong in the first game of the 2020 football season. With Jack Coan being out with a foot injury, promising back-up QB Graham Mertz was able to secure the first win of the season against Illinois, throwing an impressive five touchdown passes. Many guessed Mertz would emerge as a rising star, even earning praise from Superbowl champion Patrick Mahomes. Unfortunately for Mertz and the badgers, however, the one area of his game that needs improvement is his immune system. 

Mertz will be out for 21 days, leaving many to question if football is really for him. We were able to get some information from NFL talent scout Boogie Jackson on his thoughts on Mertz’s future. 

“Ah, you know this game isn’t for everyone! A lot of these guys can make the passes, they can understand coverages, maybe even use their legs a little, but what really separates the men from the boys in this day and age is how well they can defend against number 19 if you catch my drift!” said Jackson. 

Many looked to next-in-line Chase Wolf to step up; however, Wolf never stood a chance, also contracting COVID-19. Some say that COVID-19 may be the only thing contracted in his young football career. However, through the chaos a hero will emerge. Danny Vanden Boom will start against Nebraska. 

“Vanden Boom? Wow, just hearing that name I can tell COVID couldn’t infect him even if it made out with his uvula! If you ask me, Vanden Boom has what it takes. He’s got the it factor, meaning he doesn’t have IT! Your Drew Brees’, your Aaron Rodgers’, hell! Tom Brady was basically sucking face with his lineman over the summer, and he’s healthy as a horse! Aside from maybe a mild case of dementia,” said Jackson. 

You heard it here folks. Some have it, some don’t.


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