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FUCK! Emily is Small Now




Ok, so like, my pal Emily and I were both stoked that the Terrace chairs were brought back out. We made a huge deal about it and even planned on having a photoshoot! When we got there, Emily sat down in one of the chairs, and I damn near fainted. Emily fucking shrank.


I shit you not, her head barely even reached the arm of the chairs. I started to hyperventilate because like, is she ever going to grow back to normal size? How is she going to get up onto her big girl bed when she’s two feet tall? Will Bascom Hill become her Mount Everest?


She seemed completely oblivious to the fact that her entire world got way bigger, and I wasn’t sure how to break the news to her. Honestly, I just fucking ran. What if someone thought I was somehow responsible? I had to exit the scene of the crime.


Please if you see a very small girl, who I assume now has a cartoonish voice, running around in a panic, tell her that I had to move. Not because of her or anything, just because.

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