top of page

Mifflin Cancelled, Becky Blank Finally Given Moment of Peace

The pandemic takes another victim. The Mifflin block party has been canceled. Students across Madison mourn the loss of the last thing keeping them going, but this depression does not reach the top. When asked about what this cancelation meant to her, Chancellor Rebecca Blank simply cracked open a beer and said “thank fuck.”

“I don’t care about Mifflin,” said the Chancellor. “Go, don’t go, I don’t give a shit. You are the one who has to pay the ticket, it's not my problem. But I am so sick of you diseased-riddled rats. Get out of my university, get out of my town.”

The Chancellor says that Mifflin being cancelled is the first good thing to happen to her since she made the mistake of accepting the job of Chancellor in 2013. Dr. Blank is no longer required to deal with the thousands of parents angrily calling demanding she protect their precious little angels from vomiting on the streets while dressed like a Mormon’s nightmare. She also doesn’t have to deal with Mike Turner, a Kappa Eta Sigma 5th year who makes it an annual tradition to streak past her house while playing ‘Careless Whisper’ on a boombox. 

Instead, Chancellor Blank has finally been granted a single day's recusal from her eternal torment. For once in her life, she has a day to sleep in, knit, and catch up on Tiger King. We here at the Misnomer hope she has a good day off because we know the moment this pandemic is over, Badgers will go back to making her life hell as usual.


bottom of page