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Op-Ed: Please Don’t Make Me Vote for Joe Biden

Please don’t make me vote for Joe Biden. For the love of God please do not put me in a position where I am forced to vote for Joe Biden. I understand that I may be in a position this November where I am forced to vote for Joe Biden, and I would like to ask very nicely to anyone who is reading, to please not make me do that. While I am aware that the alternative to Joseph Robinette Biden is an unhinged cryptofascist with only a basic grasp on the difference between you’re and your, I would like to reiterate my prior request, for you all to please do not make me vote for Joe Biden.

There are perfectly good candidates still in the running, who are not currently and have never been Joe Biden. If, by your good graces, you consider, any of these candidates, you will lower the odds that I will, in fact, have to vote for Joe Biden. Tulsi Gabbard, for example, has 2 x chromosomes, anti-imperialist positions, and is in no way the 77 year old former vice president by the name of Joe Biden, if you vote for her, the chances that I must vote for Joe Biden will be greatly decreased. Bernie Sanders is immortal and invented electricity, meaning that he is not Joseph R Biden. If Bernie Sanders is in fact the nominee, then you will have respected my desire to not have to vote for Joe Biden.

Joe Biden is the candidate that I would most like not to vote for. Old or young, black or white, no matter your sexuality, no matter your gender, I must urge you once again to not force me to vote for Joe Biden. Vote Joe? Don’t wanna. So please do not.


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