Halloween. A time for true fright and terror. And, hopefully, a time for the guy in the Hugh Hefner costume to shut the fuck up.
So, to the douche-bag it may concern:
While you bragged about your body count, all I could think about was the perfect accessory for your cheap-ass velvet robe and captains hat:
A piece of tape over your mouth!
Seriously. Just grab the nearest roll of duct tape, scotch tape, any tape that makes your heart soar and slap it over that hell hole.
Not only will it prevent any of that toxic masculinity from spewing from your mouth, but it’ll allow for females to feel safe coming within a five foot radius of you!
Bonus: For an even richer Halloween experience, keep the tape on all year!
Like, please, for the love of god keep the tape on year round.