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Op-Ed: Top 10 Alarms My Roommate Sets Before 9:00 AM

No one likes waking up, especially if it's early. However, Junior Carl Lewis has a special case from hell with his roommate Tommy Robinson. Robinson, an out-and-proud morning person, has single-handedly condemned Lewis’s sleep schedule to a cold and lonely death through his use of staggered morning alarms. Though many alarms are used throughout the school year, the top 10 worst offenders have been compiled by Mr. Lewis.

1.) 1:15 go to bed alarm.

Lewis concedes that having a regular time to go to bed is important. However, he debates the necessity of having an alarm to announce it. Especially when said alarm is “Cotton Eye Joe” played on subwoofers.

2.) 2:30 sleep journal.

Robinson reportedly wakes up every morning to write in his dream journal. Currently, every dream in the journal has been about Bucky Badger’s legs, with little sign of that changing.

3.) 3:25 mouthwash alarm.

A strong believer in oral hygiene, Robinson wakes up at 3:25 to spend 3 minutes gargling mouthwash in their room. When asked about the unusual timing Robinson stated it was to “surprise the germs.”

4.) Dual 4:15 alarms.

Two alarms set up at the exact same time so that Robinson can hear what his phone does, as he believes it will sound interesting. Unfortunately, Robinson has yet to wake up in time to hear the sound and must redo the experiment every night.

5.) 5:30 Duo check-in alarm.

In order to keep himself from having to deal with Duo throughout the day, Robinson wakes up to quickly verify himself and click remember him for 12 hours.

6.) His pet rooster at dawn.

Why does Tommy have a rooster? No one knows. Are roosters allowed in their apartment building? Equally unknown. The only thing that is known is that every morning that rooster gets slightly closer to becoming a pot pie.

7.) 6:45 wake-up alarm.

Robinson wakes up daily at 6:45 in the morning, despite not having class until 11:50 every day. He claims it is “prime thinking time,” as no one else is awake to “use the brain wifi”.

8.) 7:30 cry-time alarm.

In an effort to be more emotionally aware, and as a proponent of self-care, Robinson has 30 minutes each morning set aside to stand over Lewis’ bed and weep. Expressing his stresses and concerns to his previously sleeping roommate.

9.) 8:10 exercise alarm.

Every morning at 8:10, Robinson begins his 45-minute Jazzercise class using old Jodi Sheppard tapes.

10.) 8:45 primal yell alarm.

In a further exercise of self-care, Robinson releases a primal scream every morning to start his day, and wake his roommate in time for Lewis to get ready for class.

Lewis says he is growing accustomed to the new forced insomnia. He has even found useful ways to spend his time, such as researching how to get away with murder.


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