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Snackbot Arrested for DUI

Last night, one of our beloved Snackbots was arrested on State Street for operating a motor vehicle under the influence of alcohol. The vehicle in question? Itself.

In what is being referred to by developers as “a total glitch,” the machine had been found toppled outside of Qdoba with its retractable door left completely open, revealing an 8-pack of leaking Corona bottles that had seeped entirely into the machine. As such, the machine was also charged for indecent exposure.

Local police officer Joey Nazzoli remarked that the machine was expressing distressful behavior at the time of the arrest.

“It was hammered. It was swerving and slurring its voice recordings. It kept striding up to women and stopping completely. It was acting completely irrational, and it said some things in morse code that we can’t be having on our streets,” said Officer Nazzoli.

The robot, however, was not without its allies, as a notably hungover Dan Shmitt came to the machine’s defense, saying “You guys are assholes. Beerbot was my friend. He was our friend. We knew he had been going through a breakup or a connection error or something, so my boys invited him over to hang out. You media people need to give him some space, cause if you don’t, he gets scared and can’t move.”

In the end, Officer Nazzoli accepted the critiques and vowed to approach the situation better in the future. “With anything that spends that much time on the Lakeshore campus, we should expect some depressive episodes every so often. And pulling the gun on it doesn’t seem necessary in retrospect.”


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