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Sophomore Slums Earn Visit from Easter Rat

Sure, these houses may have dozens of 20 year old men crammed into them, but that doesn’t mean they’re lacking in holiday spirit.

This year, the infamous Sophomore Slums of Madison will receive a visit from a special guest. No, it’s neither a Domino’s delivery driver nor Becky Blank herself. And it’s certainly not a CDC inspector. It’s the Easter Rat.

Like his distant relative the Easter Bunny, the Easter Rat drops by on his namesake day. But while the Easter Bunny is anticipated, even hoped for, the Easter Rat’s presence is unwarranted, uncalled for, and unsanitary.

But that’s what makes him a perfect fit for a houseful of unwashed students during a pandemic. This is his year to turn his luck around and be a desirable housemate. The Easter Rat has received dozens of vaccinations against COVID-19 during his time in a Walgreens Dumpster. He’s embodied the Easter spirit of rising from the dead, having fought off both syphilis and tuberculosis, so his presence is the strongest antibiotic you could have in your arsenal while you fear for your health and safety.

What he lacks in cuddliness, he makes up for in stench. Good luck finding your Easter basket.


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