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Uh-Oh! Date says He’s Socially Liberal but Fiscally Conservative

Bad dates are a fact of life. It’s inevitable that the conversation ends up awkward, they don’t look like their picture, or you find them snorting coke off the dash of your car. No matter what throws the chemistry off, it’ll be something to cringe at in the middle of the night while trying to sleep. However, for Ashley, a senior biology major, the date was nothing short of a total catfish. “I first matched with the guy partly because his bio had a joke about Trump, but it was for all the wrong reasons.”

Her date, who will be left anonymous, showed up in a “Reagan Bush ‘84” shirt, and wasted no time telling her that he “didn’t usually go for blue-haired chicks”, but that she was “definitely at least a 7/10,” before they sat down to a meal at Noodles and Company. At this point, Ashley decided to make it a point to not bring up politics and “at least maybe get some halfway decent dick out of the situation.” However, much to her dismay, her date was not nearly so considerate. “It was like he just couldn’t help himself, he saw the Bernie pin on my backpack and went into a 15 minute diatribe about how socialism is just 'a free handout so the poors don’t have to work hard,'” she said.

Although his economic views were quite poor, Ashley held out hope that “socially liberal” would carry her into a mediocre hookup and eventual ghosting. However, her date once again dashed her hopes.

“He started talking about how he’s 'totally cool with the gays as long as they don’t rub it in your face' before noticing the bi pride patch on my jacket and promptly going silent.” Ashley lamented. “He also kept asking 'where I was from' even after I said new jersey, so I’m 95% sure he was just trying to figure out my ethnicity.”

At this point, Ashley was certain that this date was going nowhere and he most likely wouldn’t be coming home with her, however she remained determined to at least finish her noodles, but when he started to say that “all lives matter” she had no choice but to get up and leave.


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