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Which Substance Abuse Problem Should You Develop in College? Take This Quiz and Find Out!

Are you a UW-Madison freshman? If so, you might be aware of the plethora of drugs available here on our beautiful campus, and you might be wondering, “Which one of these should I be abusing regularly?” Look no further than this quiz for the answers! With just 5 simple questions, we can tell you exactly what kind of drug abuser you should be in these precious 4 years.

1)What school are you in?

  1. College of Engineering

  2. Nelson Institute for Environmental Studies

  3. School of Business

  4. College of Letters & Science

  5. Other

2) Which of the following describes your ideal Friday night?

  1. Wet and wild ;)

  2. Some time to introspect

  3. Full of questionable, but fun, choices!

  4. Movies and snacks!

  5. NBA 2K with the boyz

3) If you had to eat at one local restaurant for the rest of college, where would you eat?

  1. McDonald’s

  2. Forage Kitchen

  3. Ian’s Pizza

  4. Cheba Hut

  5. Chipotle

4) What is your favorite genre of literature?

  1. Historical Nonfiction

  2. YA Fantasy Novels

  3. Self help books

  4. Science Fiction

  5. I don’t believe in reading

5) If you were a cookie, what would you be?

  1. Snickerdoodle cookie from Insomnia

  2. The chalky frosted sugar cookie from the grocery store

  3. The stale M&M cookie from Gordon’s at the bottom of your backpack

  4. Peanut butter patty Girl Scout Cookies

  5. Chocolate chip Crumbl cookie

6) What is the best movie series of all time?

  1. Star Wars

  2. Lord of the Rings

  3. Transformers

  4. Kung Fu Panda

  5. The Dark Knight

Mostly 1's: Alcohol

Put down the textbooks and pick up the bottle, it’s Friday baby! You’re most likely taking some stupidly hard STEM major and need to forget your stresses by getting shitfaced Thursday-Saturday every week. Get that fake ID and hit the bars-it’s the only way you’ll make it.

Mostly 2's: Shrooms

You’re just a spaced out dude looking to reach your higher self. Throw some shrooms in your PB&J, sit back, and feel the pretty colors as you travel to the astral plane and attain divine consciousness. Keep it to yourself though, no one wants to hear about how you’re “more aware now”.

Mostly 3's: Cocaine

As coke legend John Daly once said, “Grip it. Rip it.” You’re willing to take the party to a different level, and you shouldn’t let anyone hold you back. You’re likely a business major with plenty of time for mountains of blow between the gym and your homework for coloring class. Get after it!

Mostly 4's: Weed

College is the perfect time to start your stoner journey. From the humblest joint to the mightiest bong, there are so many ways to enter the wide world of weed. Try puff-puff-passing your way through events like lectures, parties, exams, club meetings, and more!

Mostly 5's: Nicotine

Frankly, you’re a bit of an NPC. A nic fiend at heart, you’ve never really grown up past your days of ripping your buddies Juul in the big stall of your highschool men’s room. To each their own, but you might want to consider broadening your horizons.


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