Things got inhumane in the Humanities building when 24 year old TA Tony Ellithorpe collapsed into a pool of his own blood after being cut during his Communication Arts discussion section. Ellithorpe, a proud hemophiliac as shown by the colorful buttons and pins on his backpack that say ‘I’m not goth, I’m hemophilic’ and ‘No Place for Hemophobia,’ has long been warned about the dangers of his disease that causes excessive bleeding. Once those pins inadvertently pricked his skin, however, things turned for the worse.
“Okay, class, do we have any thoughts on this?” muttered an increasingly dizzy Ellithorpe. Unfortunately, nobody did. The class, in a stunning display of normality, had nothing to add to this conversation. One of the particularly podcast-savvy students, Nick Menaker, raised his lanky hand after about a minute of silence, postulating “I think you’re, like, bleeding out, which is, like, representative of your disease as a whole and, like, the human condition.” The sterling response excited the TA, who exclaimed “Good! Good, yeah! And how does that make you feel?” This question was met with an even lengthier silence.
“I get it, guys, it’s Tuesday, we’re all probably tired, this is a hard subject,” whispered Ellithrope, unaware that Tuesdays have no correlation with any particular amount of exhaustion, and also that he was losing consciousness at an alarming rate.
The students of the class recounted their inaction, with Menaker admitting “I don’t think there was really, like, a completion grade for helping.” Another student remarked, “I thought it was really moving, and made you think about the disadvantages of hemophiliacs in the workplace. After a while, the TA was just like, ‘OK, let’s move on to the next Keynote slide then.’”