Every Saturday, local resident Tanya Turley wanders down her usual walking path on Breese Terrace, home of several UW-Madison Greek organizations, with Chrystopher, her border collie. Life has seemed pretty normal during her 9 a.m. strolls.
However, there are a few days each fall where she observes an unusual sight. While walking past the Pi Lambda Phi house, it has been common as of late for Turley to see a group of six or so men in bright red shirts shotgunning Spotted Cows and downing large bottles of Tito’s—at 9 in the morning. Even Turley, at only 28, said she would not condone such behavior. “Clearly there’s enthusiasm for the upcoming football game at Camp Randall,” Turley said. “But still, why does everyone insist on doing this when there’ll still be 12 hours from final play to last call at Lucky’s?”
But this is not the strangest thing Turley has seen on a game day. While on her way back home this past Saturday, after Chrystopher had successfully peed on another frat’s lawn, Turley said she saw the PiLam brothers eating brats and burgers, partaking in an unspeakable habit known as “day eating.” But what sadism could lead someone to engage in such a horrible act? From the brothers themselves:
“Oh, it’s what we do before every game,” said Dave Thing, one of the Phi Lambda Pi day-eaters. “Why the hell is day eating wrong?” Another brother explained their logic, “We’re eating lunch for breakfast, so we’ll just eat breakfast for lunch after the game. I’m sure the Hobbits would be proud of us #7meals #dayeating4life.”
But Kevin Phutner, yet another PiLam brother, said they don’t just day-eat before games. “You call this day eating? We’re just warming up. For our post-game meal we’re making roasted opossum with Hook’s 25 year cheddar and vintage milkweed fricassee, Dutch seagull souffles with cow blood soup and extra feathers, and the greatest of all day-eating delicacies: oranges,” he said emphatically.
Regular folks like Tanya Turley are right to be horrified at this habit and wonder what the Pilambdaphians get up to (and drink and eat) at night. Turley commented, “I fear for my own safety, and I’m scared that my dog will start eating local animals, or even humans, in broad daylight now that we’ve seen what we’ve seen. It’s easy to get tired of dog food.”