Looking for hot restaurants near you with soft, scrumptious, succulent bites? Need a tantalizing taste of something that may just blow your mind? Then look no further than The Wisconsin Cibuphillic Association, better known as the Madison Food Fuckers Club. Releasing their first ever top ten list of restaurants around Madison, these will leave you salivating and asking for more.
1. The Nitty Gritty
The Nitty Gritty is the quintessential gameday restaurant. Their buns soft and supple, their pickles are perky, and their patties are moist. Nitty Gritty is the Frat guy you met your freshman year. They are hot, popular, and you’ll probably want to get yourself checked afterwards.
2. The Blue Moon Diner
Essentially the Nitty Gritty, but on the other side of town. Their juicy burgers can get our juices flowing. And the cheese curds, let's just say they aren't the only things squeaking. Being a block away from the hospital helps draw in a more adult crowd, giving it a fun, more sophisticated air. This diner is just like the pre-med student who cooked your eggs over easy last year when you simply asked for a tutor.
3. Paul’s Pel’meni
Paul’s Pel’meni will serve you hot, steaming, savory dumplings that are just the right roundness and just the right size. The choices are simple: beefy or smooth? Maybe a little bit of both? Paul’s has you covered.
4. Mickey’s Dairy Bar
If your last love interest didn’t serve you breakfast in bed, don’t fret: Mickey’s is the sweet, tender embrace of the bear you wish hadn’t ghosted you. Well known for their thick, milky cream, Mickey’s dairy bar is the only bar in town where you don’t have to worry about a hangover and will still have the morning of your life.
5. Monty’s Blue Plate Dinner
On the East side of town, it can be a pain to wade through the sea of Patagonia and Chacos to get to them, but Monty’s is definitely worth the hike. Their food has the quality of State Street without the need to push through crowds of hot, sweaty bodies. Their shining jewel is their milkshakes. I would kill for Monty’s cream in my mouth.
6. Short Stack Eatery
Not just a drunk favorite, Short Stack has pancakes to die for. The perfect slapping firmness, and thicker than Bucky’s ass, Short Stack knows how to fill our holes at any time of the night. Always open for a “u up” text, Short Stack knows how to be the finisher for any night out.
7. Cheba Hut
For all you stoner types looking for a hot, dripping, juicy sandwich- preferably in the middle of the night- Cheba Hut will give you the time of your life, even if you’re high the whole time.
A fan favorite of alcoholics and Engineers, QQ’s knows their place. They serve food at a good enough price and location. While they aren’t the best, they are well-loved because they are cheap, easy, and get the job done; not unlike that girl on your floor sophomore year.
9. Rheta’s Market
For all you young ones just starting out, Rheta’s Market is the maternal and tender touch you need for losing your flower. Grab a tray, put what you need on there, and pay with mom and dad’s money. It’s that simple.
10. Sunroom Cafe
The Sunroom Cafe is the one that got away. With a sweet and simple menu, you wonder why you ever crossed it off your list and left it for a hottie like the Nitty Gritty. With a little sunshine on your buns, you probably could have been so much happier.