top of page

6 Ways to Stop the Spread of Coronavirus Jokes

As the CDC increasingly calls for social distancing and self-isolation, some may think that the mass hysteria around the spread of Coronavirus is cause for concern. Where this could be true, there is a bigger threat plaguing the earth that not only affects weak immune systems but the entire population: Coronavirus jokes. The CDC advises all to follow these six steps to stop the spread of COVID-19 jokes.

1. Wash your hands of guilt

Sources of guilt can include joking about a disease that kills vulnerable people and basically being racist. For the best cleansing, use the saltwater gathered from your tears after being told you’re not funny.

2. Wear a face mask so nobody can see your mouth moving.

Technically if you’re not infected with COVID-19, a face mask doesn’t help. The CDC says you may as well cover half of your face anyway. This way the mask will muffle the joke so no one can hear it. This will slow the spread of bad jokes.

3. Self-isolate

If you don’t think you’re sick, you really don’t have to self-isolate, but nobody wants to hear your annoying jokes so just stay home anyway. The CDC advises that the less funny you are, the longer you should let yourself self-quarantine.

4. Don’t touch your face

It’s gross and will get even greasier than it already is.

5. Quit Traveling

Stop going to new places and exposing more people to your terrible sense of humor. The CDC advises that those who are broke and aren’t funny should stay home.

6. Don’t make another fucking joke about drinking Corona and post it on your snap story I swear to God, hell will be unleashed unto your soul

The CDC advises that you shut the fuck up, to prevent this from happening.


bottom of page