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7 Ways to Survive a Quarantine

1. Get a Head Start on Homework.

It sounds boring, sure, what loser wants to do homework? But as the days roll on and you become desperate for simple tasks, your education will become an invaluable resource. Anyone who has taken a Gen Ed can attest to the fact they are 90% busy work, which used to be an annoyance but is suddenly a gift from above.

2. Explore a New Interest.

You have plenty of time on your hands, there's nothing to stop you from killing 4 hours on YouTube finding every video about some niche interest. Wanna learn exactly why pugs look so goddamn weird, might as well find out. It can’t be a worse way to spend your time than staring at the wall and crying.

3. Get a Kindle.

Get a Kindle, just fucking do it. ‘Oh but real books are better, you just can’t get past real paper’ yeah yeah sure you are right, but who gives a shit. Book stores are quarantined too asshole, and there’s only so many times you can get chased by a goddamn geriatric librarian with a shotgun before you decide to say fuck it and order books online. Just save yourself the hassle and get a kindle, okay.

4. Clean Up the Apartment.

You will spend every second of every day confined within the shitty little shoebox college kids try to pass off as homes. If there is a stain, you will notice it, if there is a pillow out of place, it will be all you see. Cleaning your apartment helps with hygiene, but even more so with sanity.

5. Write.

Write in a journal, write for a blog, write for a college satirical newspaper, take your pick. Will it be good? Doubtful. Will you give a shit? Hell no! That's the editor’s problem now, it will give them something to do too. Just write, write anything to keep your brain turning, praying that the click of keys can somehow drown out the crushing sounds of silence.

6. Ignore the Voices.

Don’t give in, don't do it. It’s been quiet too long, I understand. At first they were just whispers, maybe your heartbeat. Now they make sentences, tell you things. Don’t listen. Don’t let the quiet win, or else you will be splitting rent amongst three roommates instead of four.

7. Learn an Instrument.

You have lots of free time and a working internet connection. Learn to play the guitar or harmonica. Something simple, cheap and easy to pick up. Who knows, by the end of the quarantine you might actually have a talent your parents can be proud of.


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