In response to her professor’s claim Econ 101 would be “business, as usual” on Valentine’s Day, University of Wisconsin sophomore Susan Williams countered (to herself): “Not with that attitude!”
Williams reportedly spent all of Monday night scribbling down hasty superhero-themed puns in three-inch Marvel Valentine’s in an effort to brighten up her 300-person lecture. She found herself at a roadblock when she realized she only had four cards left and 57 people to go.
“It definitely was touch-and-go there for a minute,” Williams said Tuesday morning. “I had to go to Walgreens around 2 a.m. to get more cards and they were out of the Marvel ones! It went against the overarching ‘super’ motif I was going for, but I ended up having to buy, like, eighteen packs of those Peanuts characters’ cards instead.”
To carry the pile of tear-and-share cards she spent eight hours writing in, Williams constructed a massive version of a Valentine’s Day card box, and decorated it by pulling inspiration from genres such as “Marvel superheroes” and “Peanuts characters.”
It supposedly took an 40 extra minutes for Williams to walk down every single row in the lecture hall, fish out a Valentine for the person in front of her, and wait patiently for them to give her a gift in return before realizing no one else had made cards, but Williams’ professor agreed to the card-distribution only as long as there were enough for everyone.
“Ultimately, I just want everyone to feel that kind of childlike wonder we felt when we were younger,” Williams said when asked why she went through such an arduous process of personalizing gifts for 300 strangers. “You know, we’d gather around our classroom in elementary school and pass around Valentine’s cards to everyone. It was just so nice and pure. We need a little of that these days.”
The students in Williams’ lecture had an allegedly overwhelming response to her cards.
“Yeah, it’s nice, I guess,” one of Williams’ classmates said, “if she hadn’t written ‘That Guy Who Fucking Coughs All the Time Go to the Doctor You Ass’ as my name.”