Witte House Fellow Simon Turner has been placed on administrative leave, pending an investigation, following a recent event he allegedly hosted. Witte residents reported that their House Fellow first emailed them a couple of weeks ago announcing a pizza party in the den, asking for an RSVP. Posters also popped up around the hall in the following days advertising the event.
However, a week after the initial email was shared, a strange follow up email was received. In the message, Turner pointed out that no residents had responded and pleaded again for them to RSVP. Residents reported that even more posters showed up around the hall, including one on each door.
The day of the event, Turner was seen going up and down the hall, proclaiming “Zaza party in the Den!,” “Free Zaza!,” and “Coke in the den!” Turner was also reported to be distributing flyers for the event with a graphic of a pizza in the shape of a cannabis leaf. When residents arrived at the den, they were met with a single cheese pizza from Gordon’s and a single 2-liter of Coca-Cola.
In an exclusive interview, The Misnomer was able to get Turner’s side of the story:
“What college student doesn’t like free food? When I was freshman I would have killed for some free food in the den! I had to resort to desperate measures! I accidentally mistyped ‘pizza’ as ‘zza’ in the search bar and Google thought I meant ‘zaza’, so I clicked on the first result of Urban Dictionary. From the scent in the hallways every weekend, I knew this ‘zaza’ was something freshmen were interested in. I got the idea to change my marketing to appeal to my residents. Of course, some people took to social media and posted my flyers and word eventually reached my boss who suspended me, but I know I did what I had to to get freshmen to show up!”