Lisa Macdonald made a grave misstep last Tuesday while scrolling through her Instagram feed.
Brazenly, she flipped past an infographic entitled “Why No One Is Talking About the Presidential Election,” which mandated a repost from every viewer. When she failed to do so, the ground opened up and swallowed her on the spot. Witnesses say they could see straight into the fiery depths of Hell.
Infographics have become an increasingly popular form of social media activism, giving underrepresented subjects a voice, providing resources to take action, and bestowing a sense of superiority upon those whose Instagram stories are filled with them.
The post in question had all the trademarks of an Important Infographic: eye-catching color scheme, various font sizes, links you can’t click on, two embarrassing typos (seriously, “absintea” isn’t that hard to spell), and too many slides to actually expect anyone to reach the end. It admonished the public for neglecting to discuss the importance of the upcoming election, which has been largely ignored by the media. Helpfully, it enumerated little-known facts, explaining that this form of election occurs every four years, is determined by the uncontroversial Electoral College, and favors old white geezers who can’t say words good.
Sources close to her report that the post came from her friend’s cousin’s boyfriend’s cat’s account, whom Macdonald considered merely an acquaintance.
Sam Foreman, a student who has nothing better to do than cross-reference his mutuals’ social media activism, responded to our request for comment.
“If they weren’t in her ‘close friends’ circle on Instagram, she wouldn’t repost their stories. It really makes you think about what kind of person she was. I mean, who even uses the ‘close friends’ feature? I sure don’t, and none of MY close friends do—wait a minute...”.
Macdonald’s roommate was quick to defend her. “She was probably just trying to avoid reaching her 15-minute Social Media time limit. Since quarantine hit, she’s been making an effort to reduce screen time. Re-posting consumes valuable seconds when faced with the pressure of that little hourglass.
“I mean, Hell opening up and swallowing her on the spot is a bit much. She didn’t even get the chance to be cancelled on Twitter first.”
Even Satan, Ruler of the Darkness and King of the Bottomless Pit, responded to our request to comment: “Re-posting takes just 2 taps. What is she, a bigot?”