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Becky Condones Controlled Burn of Allen Centennial Gardens

Chancellor Blank is determined to go out in a blaze of glory. Just this week, she put her stamp of approval on a motion to facilitate a controlled burn of Allen Centennial Gardens.

Critics state that the planning board was shown photographs of land ravished by Chernobyl, not the curated garden on campus. Said Leopold residents, “I don’t know man, they look the same to me.”

Conspiracy theorists are peddling the story that Athletics is behind the burn, as they want the land for additional training facilities. Dejope residents declined to comment on this allegation.

When asked for comment, the Chancellor replied, “Don’t ask me, I just work here. I haven’t been anywhere near the Lakeshore dorms in seven years.”

Is this truly how Becky wants the end of her term to be defined? They say Nero watched Rome burn too.

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