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Claustrophobia Sets in as Dorm Rooms Receive New Layer of Paint


This summer all dorm rooms received a new layer of paint as part of a simple maintenance routine. However, this new layer has left many students feeling claustrophobic as the rooms are now simply too small to live in.


Freshman Katie Harris, currently living in Witte, told the Misnomer, “Honestly, its like every time we walk in our room it shrinks a few inches. It feels like the walls are moving in and I'm pretty sure it was that extra layer of paint.” Harris told the Madison Misnomer that with the new layer of paint, she simply does not have any room to put her two box fans, rotating fan, dehumidifier, water purifier, 13 succulents, and 6 dishes she stole from Gordon’s, not to mention her fall essentials such as all her flannels and Halloween decorations.


Dorm rooms across the country are shrinking due to excessive painting and UW Madison is no exception. In a shocking new study, University Health Services has found shrinking rooms to be a primary risk factor for claustrophobia.


A student who wishes to remain anonymous recently began visiting UHS for his own claustrophobia. “I can’t stand the paint in these dorms, there's nowhere to fucking stand. Why is it everywhere? Did they really need to do that to me? What's next, painting the fucking classrooms and hallways? Why don’t we go ahead and paint the 80 while we’re at it because who needs space anyway? FUCK.”


This issue can no longer be swept under the rug. As Harris said, “If the University really cared about its students, they wouldn’t shrink our rooms every summer with a new coat of paint. Sure maybe we would have to deal with getting the old shards of paint in our eyes but at least then I’d have a spot for my new record player I got from Urban Outfitters.”

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