On Tuesday night, students gathered to protest UW Madison’s new meal plan. Representatives of the Daily Cardinal were there to cover the event and experience the arousal that comes with covering an exciting story. Two days since the protest, the Daily Cardinal’s resulting boner remains strong.
The Cardinal reportedly caught whiff of the erotic smell of social activism on Monday when a Facebook event for the protest was created. When the protest occurred on Wednesday, a portion of the staff left the event early in order to take cold showers.
“We usually just cover boring campus politics,” said writer Lawrence Andrea. “These guys were throwing trays around man! It was crazy beyond belief. This is why I got into journalism in the first place: The stories that give me that massive, throbbing stiffy.”
Daily Cardinal writers indulged themselves in their carnal desires, writing three articles, three facebook posts, and seven tweets about the 30 minute event.The coverage garnered higher than average social media interaction, which created a proportional rise in libido.
“I was in charge of Tweeting,” said social media manager Ella Johnson, “it was hard to get those tweets out because my hands were quivering so much just thinking about those students advocating for the poor. God, why isn’t grassroots protests a category on Pornhub? Did you see them do that shit with the trays? I came right then and there”
“They were throwing trays!” said photographer Brandon Moe. “That’s got to be the coolest thing we’ve reported in years. I had to move the camera around a ton cause my big hard dick kept getting in the frame and blocking the tray throwing”
One account on twitter noted that ‘if you listen closely to the facebook live video, you can hear the camera operator singing Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get it On”