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Horse Girls Really Liking Mifflin


UW freshman and virulent horse girl Ashley Carter is reportedly really enjoying the Mifflin Street Block Party this year after meeting her first ever real-life police horse.

Carter was unenthusiastic about attending Mifflin with other members of her sorority, but brightened up when she learned that equine police would be present at the event.


“I’ve always, like, loved horses,” Carter said, “and I knew there were horse cops, like, in the big city. Like, I’ve been to the movies; I’ve seen Elf. I never thought I’d actually get to meet one, though.”


After two beers, Carter was seen approaching a policeman to ask if she could pet his horse; three hours later, her sorority sisters were seen dragging her away from another one of the “big, beautiful animals - they’re so strong and pretty and sweet” - after she attempted to feed it a Natty Lite out of a TupperWare.


Carter was last spotted stumbling after a police horse with a metal colander duct taped to her head.


“We figured we couldn’t really stop her from getting kicked in the head,” said Madison Lemaillot, one of Carter’s sorority sisters/Mifflin babysitters. “So we protected her as best we could and let her loose to run with the mustangs.”

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