How to Use Your Knowledge of the Clitoris to Find the “Unsubscribe” Button


Whether it’s those regular emails from Walgreens or a free trial for a streaming service, you’ve likely run into this issue: you want to cancel your subscription, but you can’t seem to find that pesky “unsubscribe” button. Of course, it is to these services’ advantage to make it as difficult as possible to locate so that you have to continue. Luckily, if you are clever enough to know how to find the clitoris, you can surely locate any other button, no matter how well-hidden. Here are some ways you can use your knowledge of the female anatomy to avoid annoying emails and recurring fees.


1. You should know what to look for

You’ll have no hope of finding what you seek if you don’t know what it might look like, which is why so many first-timers panic and end up rubbing a hole in their partner’s inner thigh. Similarly, you should know what that unsubscribe button might look like. It’s likely a small hyperlink at the very bottom of the page, probably greyed out and nearly impossible to see. The clitoris is much more obvious, but I have confidence in your abilities.


2. There’s more to it than you think

If you know your stuff, you know that the clitoris is more than just a single spot. In fact, it’s a large organ that includes both internal and external components that can be stimulated from many places. You’ll need to keep this concept in mind when you’re looking for the unsubscribe button. Even if you find the initial button, you have to think deeper. You may have to find a checklist of email preferences to fully remove yourself from the list, or you may have to go looking for where to remove your debit card so that you’re not charged again. Trust me, you’ll want to be thorough.


3. There will be consequences

If you aren’t able to find the unsubscribe button, you may end up getting charged hundreds of dollars for a service you never wanted. If you can’t find the clitoris, your partner might decide they deserve compensation and steal cash out of your wallet before leaving out the back door. They’re surprisingly similar outcomes. When it comes to emails, though, the consequences between the two situations might differ. If you can’t find the unsubscribe button, you’ll continue receiving hundreds of messages, but if you can’t find the clitoris, you’ll never hear from that partner again.