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Hungover Girl’s Ray-Bans Aren’t Even Real



Friday morning’s Econ 101 lecture was unsurprisingly met by a familiar sight: girls of all ages, shapes, and sizes wearing sunglasses to poorly disguise their hangovers. What was really quite shocking this time around was the sight of Amber Evans in her Ray-Ban New Wayfarer Classics. Except, upon closer examination, those glasses weren’t New Wayfarer Classics at all.


Evans’ glasses looked suspicious, and though she wore them with the confidence that can only be possessed by skinny legends who puked their guts out the night prior, it was clear that something was out of place. You see, Evans’ sunglasses had gold detailing. And everyone knows that Ray-Ban New Wayfarer Classics have silver detailing. It just didn’t add up.


When approached about the matter, Evans said, “Huh? God, I’m just so hungover. Thinking hurts. Please don’t talk to me.”


Interesting. When continued to be pestered, she added that she had the glasses customized at the Sunglass Hut in West Towne Mall. But the Sunglass Hut in Madison doesn’t carry the 2019 model of the New Wayfarer Classics that Evans had been donning.


With all this evidence collected, it can clearly be stated that Evans is not to be trusted. Further interrogation may have been conducted had Professor Johnson not shouted, “What are you doing? Stop interviewing someone during my class!”


We’re onto you, Evans.

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