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"I Just Like the Rub," Says Corduroy Connoisseur

Updated: Sep 26, 2021

For most people, corduroy may come in and out of fashion depending on one’s desire to get laid, but Jimmy Fontaine is one enthusiast who has vowed to never turn his back on the king's cord.

Fontaine proudly calls himself a rib velvet connoisseur, and that everything he owns comes in corduroy—from the traditional trousers and overcoats to his specially made briefs and a set of corduroy floss imported from Manchester. He can even be found wearing corduroy swim trunks on warm summer days, using the sand stuck between his wales to exfoliate his thighs.

“I just really like it, ya know,” explained Fontaine, “The weight of the fabric, the look of the ridges. And the rub, ohhhh yeah, the rub.”

While Fontaine was originally a student enrolled here at UW-Madison, he was sadly expelled from his art and design degree for “being unnatural with the fabric rolls.” Nowadays he can be seen walking the streets of Madison, gently stroking his pants and occasionally skipping to completion.


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