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"Is It Just Me or Has the Food at Gordon's Been Really Bland Lately?" Asks Unvaccinated Student

An unvaccinated student has become the face of the movement “is it just me or has the food at Gordon’s been really bland lately?” With a modest start of just five members after the first three days, the movement has spread virally, reaching students all over campus.

“I sat down with four friends at Gordon’s and the food that used to be flavorful and aromatic tasted like cardboard. So, I told my friends, right? And they all looked at me like I was crazy, so I let them all have a bite, but they still disagreed. Three days later we go back, I get the same thing, give them a bite, and all of the sudden they see my side.”

The concerned student developed what he refers to as “an airtight recruitment strategy.” Attending house parties, crashing college dorms, and riding up and down the elevator during rush hour are just a few of the innovative ways he campaigns.

“I guess my goal is to really spread it. And the fact that people have been agreeing with me is a much-needed breath of fresh air. Everyone’s saying quarantine this quarantine that… is that a spice? Because I’m not tasting it.” He told our reporters.

Shockingly, just two weeks after the movement started, the student felt that the food was flavorful again and abandoned the movement he created. His once devout followers have taken over the campaigning process, protesting on the lawn of the Capitol and on Bascom hill.

“I don’t know what everyone is still on about. The food seems to be just as flavorful as it was two weeks ago. I think people just want a reason to complain at this point.”


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