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Local Hobgoblin Distraught After Being Mistaken for Ghoul

As every millennial has almost certainly shouted directly into your ear, “spooky season” is here! As the dying leaves remind you of your own fragile mortality, what’s better than indulging in a little bit of the macabre? Whether you get into the Halloween spirit by watching a horror movie, picking apples, or meticulously carving and then raw-dogging a pumpkin, fall can be quite a delight for people of all ages and levels of degeneracy. However, for the various spooky creatures of the night, fall can be a time of misunderstanding. For local hobgoblin Popple Pumpkin, this came to a head just a few short days ago.

“I was minding me own business, and some stranger had the audacity to yell to his friends, ‘Hey guys! Check out that ghoul over there!’ I’ve never been so offended in me life,” Popple said.

Popple Pumpkin is your typical hobgoblin, doing household chores and getting up to mischief in the dead of night like many of his kind, but as the Halloween season rears its head again, common misconceptions return as well.

“You see, your typical hobgoblin ain’t up to much trouble, we stick to the shadows and tidy up after you humans while ya sleep,” Popple explained. “We get up to a little bit of tomfoolery, but it ain’t nothin harmful.”

Hobgoblins are truly the unsung heroes of the home, picking up beer cans and doing the dishes as we try our best to sleep off the night’s mistakes. However, outside of their following of a few weird nerds, these delightful little guys are not well-known or understood.

“I can accept bein’ called an elf or even a dwarf, but ‘ghoul’ is a low blow,'' recalled Popple.

Ghouls, unlike hobgoblins, are not nearly as benevolent. Much like your local goths, ghouls generally cluster around graveyards, obsessing over corpses and generally being spooky as shit.

“I’ve met a few ghouls in me time, and none of ‘em are anything close to a hobgoblin. We are proud working people, and ghouls are nothin but cannibals, gravediggers, and investment bankers,” Popple emphasized to us.

So, as you enjoy the Halloween season, be sure to be mindful and not play into harmful misconceptions. Hobgoblins like Popple would certainly appreciate it.


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