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Local Man Receives Standing Ovation for Ordering Real Coffee at Starbucks

Employees and patrons were left awestruck when a customer ordered black coffee at Starbucks.

“He just… he just went up to the counter. No sugar, no cream, no ice,” the manager of the coffee chain told reporters. “I nearly dropped the drink I was making, as I was shaking so much out of fear and respect.”

The enigmatic man proceeded to talk about the new phenomenon of “sugar with a side of coffee” and how this “frappuccino, mocha, unicorn bullshit” is contributing to the downfall of society.

After a thorough cleaning of their cobweb-covered coffee maker, they were ready to do the unimaginable… serve black coffee. The barista shook his hand and took a photo to display her first time ever taking an order such as his.

“It really was an honor and the fact that today is to be commemorated forever really means a lot. I don’t think my off shift co-workers would ever believe me had I not gotten photographic evidence.”

Starbucks employees are awaiting the day for this mysterious soul to return. Until then, it merely remains folklore.


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