In a domain of his own, not allowed within the range of others, math major, Cal Kuelas, lives a quiet lonesome life. For many years Cal has been on a love quest, but has yet to be on a date, or form a stable relationship with any person for that matter.
“Love is an asymptote, I can continue on endlessly, but I’ll never reach it no matter how hard I try,” Cal elaborated before scrambling to write down what he just said in a notebook labeled “Romantic Things to Say to Women” next to the equation: 9x - 7i > 3(3x - 7u).
When asked what the equation he wrote down meant, he elaborated that the solution to the equation is “i <3u”. Cal has yet to give this equation to someone as most people are repelled by his presence.
“The whole problem started when I was in class trying to calculate the tangent of the curvature of Tally’s boobs. She caught me staring and pointing at her tits and then got mad at me like what I was doing was weird,” Cal explained. “Ever since that day people have been acting weird and don’t want to talk to me or hang out.”
Even after his ostracization from the rest of his peers, Cal has continued to pursue relationships with other women by solving large math equations like 1+3 = x, in large public areas in order to impress people. These attempts have not yielded positive results for Cal. So Cal decided to go back to the drawing board.
“I’ve always relied on math to guide me, so I decided that math was the only woman for me.”
Unable to find a real partner, Cal turned to Desmos to satisfy his desires. Desmos is a math application that allows users to graph and calculate complex equations in a visual manner. With Desmos’ new 3D graphing capabilities, Cal graphed the thing he wanted most: a pair of big ol’ boobies. Using the equation for a sphere, Cal input values and shifted the spheres around until he created the perfect pair of boobs.
“I finally found the one for me,” Cal said with a big smile while presenting his MacBook to the Misnomer and stroking his screen.
Cal still hopes to find a real woman, but doesn’t want to give up his desmos boobs. “They’re a part of me now, I can’t factor them out of my life.” And just like the square root of -1, any human love interest for Cal, is imaginary.
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