The 2020-2021 school year has been tough on everyone, but we here at the Madison Misnomer have done our best to keep you sane with our hard-hitting journalism. Our team has pulled dozens of all-nighters and drank gallons on gallons of Redbull to make sure that the Misnomer can be your one-stop-shop for news. Fuck CNN and the New York Times—it’s us that will keep you equipt with relevant stories.
Unfortunately, our parents just read our articles for the first time, and they are not happy with us. Mr. and Mrs. Nomer have decided that we’ve abused our platform and that we need to take a break for the summer to think about our actions.
Our mom got tipped off because our Taylor Swift/Betty White article was so tantalizing that she just had to read it. She thought something seemed a little fishy—which can’t be right, since that was all true—and decided to look around at some other articles.
We received a long-winded text from our mom, saying, “Are you kidding, Missy? You’ve been putting cuss words out there for everyone to see. I’ve spoken with your father, and he’s just as disappointed as me. You thought it was okay to talk about S-E-X and Jesus Christ in the same article? We need to talk about this. -Mom”
We don’t know about you, but that text put a shiver in our bones! It got even worse when we had the family meeting and Mom really ripped into us about posting about celebrity deaths. In our defense, we were told by a very trustworthy informant that Prince Philip, Jimmy Carter, and Lin Manuel Miranda were all departed. How were we to know?
Dad decided that the only way for us to learn our lesson was to take away our phone and publishing privileges. He says that it’s “for our own good” and “the direct consequence of so much penis talk.”
I guess we’ll just live the summer offline like it’s the fucking Stone Age and really reflect on what we’ve done. When we come back next year, expect a lot of enlightened thinking. Until then, please keep us up-to-date on news by sending us handwritten letters to 4008 Vilas.