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Male Student Goes on Rant About How He’d Pass Bechdel Test

While waiting for their GEN&WS 101 lecture to start, students Alison Wallace and Liz Woolf were talking about their tests. Being from the west coast, Wallace had taken the SAT while in-state student Woolf took the ACT.

The two were comparing the two tests and discussing other tests they’ve taken when they were interrupted by self-described egalitarian Brad Griffin.

“All those tests were soooo easy! I took both the ACT and SAT and aced both of them without breaking a sweat, ” Griffin said.

Before Wallace or Woolf could get a word in, Griffin continued. “I’m such a good test taker. You guys in Chem 103? How’d you do on the midterm? I got a B. I would have gotten an A but I circled some of the wrong answers; I knew the right ones, though. I did get an A on my Math 221 test. I didn’t even take AP Calc in high school. But I bet if I took the AP exam I definitely would have gotten a 5. I’m just that good of a test taker. I don’t even need to study; I can take and ace any test.”

The two girls exchanged glances, trying to process what just happened before them. After the brief recovery, Wallace asked, “What about the Bechdel test?”

“The Bechdel test? E-Z!” Griffin exclaimed. “That’s not even a challenge. Gimme a pencil and paper and I’ll do it right now. Or would it be easier to do it on my phone? Is it an online test? I can’t remember. Either way, I know I’ll pass it for sure even without studying. I’m just that good. Actually, let me go look it up quick on my phone.”

Griffin paused for a moment to catch his breath and pulled out his Samsung Phone.

“Wow, this is dumb and kinda misandristic. This article says only two Tarantino movies pass the Bechdel test. If the world’s best director only passes it a few times…” Griffin paused for a few moments. “Doesn’t matter. I can still pass it. I’m gonna make a movie with all females. Not even going to have a guy in it. It’s gonna pass the Bechdel test like a million times. It’d probably be like a world record or something. That’s how good it’ll be. Heck, maybe even you two could be in it. I mean, you’d be, like, a side character or maybe like a background character. You gals are pretty, but not pretty enough to be like the main characters or anything. No offense. But you guys can still talk to each other in the movie. Not about a man though, obviously.”

Griffin chuckled as his own joke as Wallace and Woolf exchanged glances again, trying to figure out their exit strategy.

“Anyways, you guys should give me your emails so I can contact you about the movie or maybe we can go to the movies” Griffin said as he tried to wink. “Actually, you ladies are lucky enough for me to give you my number,” Griffin said as he illegibly wrote down his number. “I hope you gals are ready for my epic movie that is absolutely going to pass this silly little Bechdel test of yours. Now, I have to go talk to the professor before class about my test grade.”


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