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Man Reportedly Sick of Weird Roommate's Antics



While college can be a time for many to explore new interests and learn who they are, this exploration can have an adverse effect on the people around them.


Junior Timothy Richards is at the end of his rope dealing with his roommate Jacob Walters.


“I’m not trying to say he’s a bad roommate but this shit’s getting outta hand,” said Richards. “Do you have any clue how annoying it is to get woken up at 3 in the morning on a Tuesday by a fucking accordion?”


Walters has a long history of obscure interests such as:


  • Learning Orcish from the Lord of The Rings

  • Researching how to make toilet paper, and then replacing the apartment’s

  • Brewing his own vinegar

  • Majoring in Computer Science

  • Traditional Mongolian throat singing


Most recently, Walters has joined a Uzbekistani folk metal band and plays the electric nose flute, much to his roommate's dismay.


“He has a concert next Saturday, and if I don’t show up he will get all bitchy and stop paying rent, so if anyone is willing to hit me with a car that would be great,” said Richards.

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