As a way to break up the monotony of social distancing, Lucas Jacobs has taken to going on leisurely strolls around his neighborhood. On today’s walk, Jacobs became a local hero when he stepped off the sidewalk when an elderly man was passing him. However, Jacobs was astounded to realize that the old man had no intention of thanking him.
“What the fuck, grandpa?” said Jacobs in a blind rage. “I mean, do you have any fucking idea what I could have done, pappy? I could’ve walked within TWO FEET of you. It’s like the geriatric fuck has a death wish.”
To make matters worse, the area next to the sidewalk was a patch of unavoidable mud, so Jacobs had to politely smile all while dirtying his favorite pair of tennis shoes.
“Do you think I didn’t think about the mud when I made the sacrifice?” said Jacobs, beginning to sweat from anger. “I THOUGHT that the cost of my shoes was less than the life of the ancient geezer I was saving, but now I’m not so fucking sure.”
The senior citizen in question, Gary Sherbowitz, was shocked to hear his manners come under fire.
“I did say thank you to the sweet young man, but I’m fairly certain he couldn’t hear me over that racket in his headphones. God bless him.”