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Pregnancy and 4 Other Things You Can Pass/Fail This Spring

Ah, yes. Springtime. The sun comes out, the birds make noises, and another school year comes to a close. But it’s not all daisies in Spring, as the upcoming months have some daunting challenges to be dealt with.

To celebrate the Spring Scaries and perhaps relieve you of some stress, here are 5 things you can request to Pass/Fail this Spring.

1. Pregnancy

So this one’s not something you can request to pass/fail, per se. But say you’ve had a hard 9 months. You just couldn’t give up chain smoking cigars, or drinking bleach. Isn’t it a relief to know that you won’t be graded on this pregnancy? All you have to do is hope to pass and if you fail, we’ve all been there.

2. A Covid Test

Picture this. You go to fill one last spit vial before your vaccination turns your Badger Badge permanently green. All you gotta do is pass. Sure, that guy you made out with at the Double U at FAC couldn’t taste your chapstick, and maybe you’ve got a 104.1 fever now. But you won’t fail if you believe, just like in the Polar Express.

3. Living

If you really think about it, you could die at literally any moment of any day. Trip on the corner of State and get hit by a bus? Fail. Put expired milk in your cereal and test your luck? Fail. The only way to Pass at life is to stop thinking about how anyone walking past you could stab you and run away and then you’d just die alone. I’m barely passing right now, guys.

4. A Breathalyzer Test

This summer’s going to be one for the books. Masks off, thongs on, we’re going out to the bars ladies. While you’re getting behind the wheel after a long night of heavy drinking, just remember that the cop who pulls you over for killing an innocent deer isn’t going to judge your BAC grade. He’ll just arrest you. Pass/Fail, baby!

5. Your Classes

No funnies here. I’m a terrible student, but an advocate for learning at heart, so here’s my advice. If your May 1st “Sorry I didn’t do anything, I was sad” email doesn’t work for you, you can request to Pass/Fail in your Student Center even after you get final grades. Good luck finishing up the school year, everyone.


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