Tragedy has struck the UW campus. Rates of mouth herpes have risen to unprecedented levels, leaving few lips clean and ready for smoochin’. And who could be the culprit? The UW Wellness Center has given us the official scoop: Juuls are the enemy. And herpes is their weapon.
Kyle Ramon, local hero and volunteer for Sex Out Loud, is spreading his good news around campus in light of this revelation. Kyle says that the key to juuling safely is easy: you just gotta use protection.
“First, you go to the SAC and grab a shit ton of free condoms,” Ramon said, while smoothly plugging Sex Out Loud. “One for each person you plan on letting take a fat rip off your juul throughout the night.”
Then, Ramon explained, you just slip a condom on your juul before anybody takes a hit. This ensures that no DNA is shared and no herpes can be obtained. The only thing you can obtain with this method is that delicious nic buzz. Just switch out that lubed-up condom after each rip and you’re good to go.
Also, Ramon tells us that flavored condoms make hybrid juul flavors. Hell yeah.
Ramon’s campaign slogan may be “Don’t be a fool, wear a condom while you juul!” but he would like to note that he specifically means to put the condom on the vape apparatus. Not on your penis. Because that will not stop mouth herpes. Regular herpes, maybe. But that’s another man’s mission.
Students everywhere are following Ramon’s lead, leaving slippery, used condoms on bar floors all around campus. Safety win! Kids are learning how to use condoms for the first time in their lives, too, and rates of mouth herpes are already starting to drop. Win, win, win. Thanks, Kyle.