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Sociology Professor Argues Age is a Construct

Dr. Greg Heffenwhiffer has come under fire after it was reported that he had been dating a freshman attending his SOC284 lecture. While sex scandals have become expected from giving men any authority, increased controversy arose when the professor elaborated on his claims that age was simply a social construct.

Heffenwhiffer's argument is that the human calendar and concept of time are both socially constructed and inherently arbitrary measurements. Therefore, the only reason a relationship between a 58-year-old married man and an 18-year-old student is frowned upon is due to restrictive social norms and western biases.

The department chair Dr. Stacy Nguyen has since countered this argument with a written memo stating “Greg is a fucking creep."

When we reached out to Dr. Heffenwhiffer for commentary, he recommended selected readings on social constructivist theory and objective truth, as well as a case study of ‘your mom’.

Dr. Heffenwhiffer’s contract has been terminated, and in the words of Prof. Nguyen:

“Thank god he didn’t have tenure."

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