Once again, the holiday season has descended upon Madison as the smell of pine trees, cinnamon and spiked eggnog vomit permeate campus. There’s a chill in the air and, if you dare to ignore no nut November, it’s the perfect season to get down to business with your significant other, tinder date, or TA. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, here are five ways to use cranberry sauce.
1. A Sticky Surprise – Let's face it, sex isn’t sticky enough. However, with the addition of that sweet, tangy sauce, you can up the stickiness by a sexy factor of 10.
2. Lube With a Bit More Texture – Hey, if condoms are ribbed for her pleasure, why can’t lube be? Those lovely little cranberry chunks make every minute an adventure.
3. Sensual Massage Oil – The sweet smells and aforementioned sticky sensation will drive your partner wild!
4. Pre-Coital Breath Enhancer – Why suffer through the freezing minty sensation of an altoid when you could make your breath emulate the warm holiday glow of cranberries?
5. A Fun Bath – If you’re really feeling ambitious, just fill up the whole goddamn tub with cranberry sauce for a special bath with that special someone.