Exam season is always rough. Whether you’re pulling all-nighters or sitting in a shower shoving a tube of raw cookie dough down your throat, finals can be hard. However, one thing that can make or break your mental state during these tough times is how close to the floor the bar for passing is. For business school sophomore Jeff Wagner, the bar is low enough to have him resting easy.
“I mean the final grade calculator online said I only need like a 155% on the final to get a D, so it’s pretty chill honestly,” Wagner said.
Although Wagner has only attended two of his calculus lectures, he says his grasp of the material is “pretty solid I guess” due to the fact that he has completed at least half of the homework assignments and only gotten test answers from friends, “like a few times.” With this vigorous background in mathematics, Jeff is certain he can pull his grade up from his current 45% to at least the 60% he needs to pass.
“My professor has been emailing me a ton so I’m guessing he really wants me to succeed and is gonna give mad extra credit on this final," Wagner said. "I hope so at least, I haven’t checked my email in at least a month, I just see them come in on my phone.”
While he hasn’t shown much of his math ability in class, almost two years of dealing weed for his frat has made Wagner into what some would call a mathematical prodigy. In his time with the frat he has learned lightning quick addition, subtraction, and division skills that he is sure will carry him on the looming exam.
“I mean I’m not sure exactly what a derivative is, but I’ll have a calculator so I’m sure I can figure it out,” Wagner said.
Despite failing both midterms and not attending lecture, Jeff is confident that one last burst of energy will carry him through to a passing grade.
“I stole my little brother’s Adderall last time I was home so I can definitely focus for at least a few hours to study. Plus I’m sure the class will be curved so it’s cool I think. I just gotta keep a 1.50 so my dad will give me a job at his car dealership when I graduate,” Wagner said.
Here at the Misnomer, we think the odds are looking pretty good for Jeff!