Last night, freshman Maggie Patterson dined with her friends in preparation for their silly, spooky Halloween. Maggie thought it would just be a great time to bond with the ragtag group she went to FreakFest with, but she soon found out there was a lot more spookiness than she saw that night: her friends were freaks.
As Maggie took her first bite of her Bucky’s Blended Burger, Samantha Hackingberg, Biology major, declared, “Man, it was so wholesome when we all drank each other’s blood!”
Maggie looked up from her Meat-Mushroom patty and said, “Huh?” Maggie reports that she was shocked by Samantha’s recollection, but the rest of the group nodded along fondly. Then things got really freaky.
“Nah man, that wasn’t as sweet as when we cursed Lil Yachty,” “C’mon, how ‘bout when we bought that guy’s liver for Friendsgiving?”, and “I wish could commune with the dark lord every weekend!” were all statements Maggie heard from her “friends” last night.
“I was only separated from the group for 5 minutes when I was talking to Jen from Psych. Who would’ve thought comparing exam thoughts would have made me miss so much?” reported Maggie before she said with sadness in her voice. “They seemed so fun and, well, not freaky.”