As flu season nears and illness, cold weather, and seasonal depression loom over us in a cloud of darkness and despair, UHS is urging everyone to get their free flu shots and kill the spread of disease. In response to this audacious request and negative language implying that the flu be murdered, students have begun to hand out the flu itself for free.
“I kept seeing signs all over the place saying things against the flu,” said one UW-Madison senior. “It seemed like an injustice to me. The flu never killed anyone, so why should I kill it?”
Word has quickly spread across campus and students have begun to rise up against this inhumane act. To combat the flu hate, students are now handing out the flu itself to fellow students for free.
“If they’re giving out flu shots for free, we’re giving out the flu for free,” said one junior, as she coughed and sneezed on her hands.
The uproar over UHS anti-flu propaganda has caused a significant increase in illnesses and hospitalizations, a major victory for UW-Madison students.