As a student at UW-Madison, seeing the glowing red sign of the Badger Market should make your stomach grumble. There are four convenient locations around the UW campus, making it easy to grab a quick bite before your stretch of three power lectures and two agronomy labs. Badger Market specializes in small snacks that can fit in your pocket, such as tiny packages of moderately smushed chickpeas, genetically modified apples, and Zac Efron (who always looks like a snack).
While many faculty on campus believe that students love Badger Market, a recent survey has shown the exact opposite.
“Everything in Badger Market is always a little bit…wet,” said a Sophomore eating at the Ingraham Hall Badger Market.
Said the ASM President, “Its sort of a like a slimy condensation? I don’t know though, maybe that’s what adds the flavor.”
Intrigued by this observation, the Misnomer sent out a team of researchers to each Badger Market to feel every item of food Badger Market sells.
It was found that there was a direct correlation between wetness and date of packaging. For example, the pasta salad, made with the leftovers of food dropped by nervous freshman in Gordon’s, was found to be the most wet and had been packaged for three weeks. The hummus, which had been packaged for 2.3 weeks was collecting a small pool of water on the surface. Food items like apples and bananas lacked a severe wetness, but were still definitely moist to the touch. Even school supplies, such as notebooks, were slightly soggy.
“Just walking into the Market, you can feel the wet. It hangs there in the air, waiting for unsuspecting students to walk through,” said a researcher.
Regardless of this obvious moisture problem, UW students remain loyal to Badger Market. On any given day, you can see students congregating around the sticky tables and squeaking the ancient chairs, eating whatever chili is served and working humbly on cancer research. More research has yet to be done, but it is reasonable to believe that this wetness may be the source of all the smarts at UW-Madison.