It’s that time of year again: The Turkey Drop. Your long distance relationship with your high school sweetheart just isn’t working out, despite the nightly FaceTime calls and heartfelt promises to “make this work.” It's the first time you’re seeing each other in months and the perfect opportunity to end things. It’s likely your first major break-up, so you'd better have a plan. Lucky for you, we’ve thought of 5 perfect spots for you to shatter their heart this Thanksgiving break.
1. Walmart Parking Lot
It’s where you had your first kiss with each other and spent most of your time together since your parents were always home. It holds a special place in both your hearts, and it’s the perfect spot to break theirs. Since it’s the ultimate hangout spot in your hometown, it’ll raise no prior suspicions. Text them Wednesday night and ask them to meet you in the parking lot. Hot tip: run in beforehand and grab a box of tissues for them. When they get there make sure you go in their car, so you can easily make your escape once the deed is done. Exchange your pleasantries and then break the news to them. When the waterworks start, make your exit back to your car.
2. A Friend’s House
This is perfect if you’re meeting at a mutual friend’s house for Friendsgiving this weekend. Be sure to arrive before your partner gets there. Start talking to your friends about how toxic and manipulative your partner is to get them on your side. Don’t be afraid to “embellish” a bit here. Really sell your story and include how you want to break up, but are afraid to do so. After your partner arrives and Friendsgiving officially begins, act super nervous the entire time. Towards the end, ask to speak to them in a separate room. Here’s when you give them the spiel that it’s over. Leave the room and tell your friends that you did it. If you played your cards right, they should take your side and congratulate you.
3. A Drive
Text your partner and invite them out for a night time drive. Pick them up in your mom’s car and drive around town for a bit. Do a little small talk with them before beginning your long monologue on how it's just not working out and you’re so sorry to be doing this to them. Make sure to subtly start heading back towards their house when you start, so you can boot them from your car when you pull into the driveway.
4. Thanksgiving Dinner
Well, you made it to Thursday without breaking up. Your partner invited you over for Thanksgiving Dinner with their family, and you’ve got a couple options here. You can dump them right before dinner is served, but you might miss out on a free meal. For maximum drama, dump them right then and there in the middle of dinner in front of their great aunt Susan. Their family is right there to comfort them, so you can take one more wing and skedaddle out of there.
If the pandemic has taught us anything it’s that sometimes face-to-face conversations aren’t necessary. Before you head home this weekend, give your partner a ring and deliver your best, “it’s not you, it’s me.” You can hang up after that or stick around to console them. Tell them it’s about the college experience or whatever. If you’re too much of a coward to even call, you can always send them a lengthy paragraph on snapchat—copy and pasted from your Notes app, of course—and hit that block button as soon as you see the, “My Love💗💗💗 is typing” notification.