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Theta Chi Proves They Have the Ultimate Pull Out Game

Following investigations into misconduct, Fraternity Theta Chi withdrew affiliation with University of Wisconsin-Madison, cementing themselves as champions of the pull out game. Five days after their chapter’s suspension ended their official Board of Erectors released a statement redacting their affiliation with UW “just before the university was about to burst,” according to Phillip Young Jr., the fraternity’s president. Following the press release, Theta Chi member Chad Robinson marveled over Young Jr.’s endurance.

“After we roofied those three high schoolers, I thought for sure the administration would bust our nut,” Robinson said, “But Phil just kept raw doggin’ the deans with questionable activity until they couldn’t take it anymore and we had to withdraw.”

The story has attracted the attention of many high profile government officials. Celebrities, such as Bill Clinton, Jeff Sessions, and even George H.W. Bush on the morning of his death, each admired how close the fraternity could get to actually receiving consequences for their actions before rescinding their status. Clarence Thomas and Brett Kavanaugh, both active in Greek life during their college years, agreed Theta Chi’s strategy team has “serious Supreme Court potential.”

In an interview with the Theta Chi founder of the national organization, Thomas Shelton, there was much talk of strategy. “Every chapter is bound to get their university hot and bothered at some point, but the Psi chapter got a little too climactic. It was smart for them to pull out and go with Plan B.”


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