Spring Break. That time of year when newbs and greeks alike flood to the coasts of this country for a nonstop, weeklong party. UW hipsters, however, are an exception to this rule. They don’t want a nonstop party on some hot, sticky beach. Edgy bois like to stay in and write music and poetry Monday through Wednesday. However, usually on Thursdays, they rage.
So this Thursday, you would have expected to see a line outside the Plaza Tavern that stretched for miles. The temperature was above 20 degrees, so it would’ve been the perfect time to debut Urban’s new ripped mom jeans. But as it turns out, half the hipsters got in vans and went on vacations to the Grand Canyon or Seattle! Whoddathunk the indie kids would flock to where the weather is nice and the weed is legal? Actually, yup, that checks out.
With all the usual artists gone and the underage kids at home with mommy and daddy, Plaza emptied out. The remaining crowd, however, had the most epic night of their lives.
Senior Danny Watson commented, “No line, no one blocking the pool table, and no freshman girls dropping glasses...life was so good.”
He continued, “And I didn’t even half to push through a whole crowd of people to get back in when I went outside to smoke an American Spirit!”
Sources tell us that if you went to cue a song, it would play immediately. “Heck yeah, gotta get that Tame fix,” Watson said.
So, whether you’re reading this from a coffee shop in Portland or your mom’s couch, just know that you missed out on the coolest Plursday of all time. Not a single person had to shout “Close the door!” and that right there, is the stuff of legends.