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TikTok Tarot Reader Said “Great Wealth” Comes “With Violent Force” So I Stepped in Front of the 80


We’ve all been there. Halfway through a calc problem set or after hitting writer’s block in the middle of an essay, you give up and scroll through TikTok. And maybe while you’re ignoring your responsibilities, the occasional tarot reading comes across your For You Page. For most people, they take the 30 seconds of bullshit entertainment and move on but for Beatrice Ramsey, she took the message which was “meant to find you” a little too literally.


The incident occurred at 11:11 on Tuesday morning, when Ramsey stepped in front of a bus outside of Memorial Union. Multiple witnesses state that Ramsey ran out into the street just as the bus was starting to stop, yelling “I claim this message!” After three days in a coma, Ramsey woke up in the ICU asking, "did it work?” When hospital personnel asked her what she meant, Ramsey clarified her statement. “A tarot reader came across my For You Page and said that great wealth would come my way with violent force. Everyone knows that if you get hit by the 80, your tuition and medical bills are paid for plus a little extra for emotional trauma! I knew it was a sign meant just for me!”


Unfortunately for Ramsey, Madison Metro Transit has declined to pay damages as she stepped onto the street of her own accord. The estimated cost of Ramsey’s hospital bills and legal consultation is around $555,555. When asked about her plans to pay off the bills, Ramsey stated that her plan of action would be to do nothing. “Since I wasn’t lucky enough this time, I think I’ll make a money spell bowl, start wearing a carnelian necklace, and just wait for the right opportunity to fall into my lap. The universe will take care of me <3”.


So the next time you find a tarot reading that hits a little too close to home, turn your phone off and touch some grass, you lifeless ninny.


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