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Trendy Student Suffers Cold so Ankles can be Properly Exposed


As the temperature has begun to drop below freezing, UW sophomore Melissa Vanderwood’s super unique and hip aesthetic now comes at a devastating price.

“Like, honestly, how the fuck am I supposed to look goddamn indie if my ankles are covered up by warm socks or, God-forbid, pants?” said Vanderwood on the topic.


This brave student vowed that she would rather not go outside at all than walk to class without her ankles experiencing excruciatingly cold temperatures. In order to inspire other chic college students, Vanderwood graciously gave some insight as to why she goes to dangerous measures in the name of fashion.


“I mean, let’s be honest, ankles are the sexiest body part of 2018! I’m like a thousand percent sure that if I wore socks, Brad from Econ never would’ve given me his Snapchat. Whenever I see those poor girls wearing those super heavy jeans over their ugly ankles, I really have to respect their choice to stay celibate!”


Vanderwood has reportedly gone to UHS seven times to regain feeling in her ankles, but she maintains it was always worth it to be the reigning title holder of “cutest ankles in the friend group.”

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