Junior Scott Barham has been a rather cynical bachelor in months past, but with Valentine’s Day approaching, his friends have noticed quite a difference in his attitude. They say Barham has fallen in love with a dozen strangers in the past week.
“Dude, he came back to our apartment on Monday after class and told us the girl who didn’t hold the Van Hise elevator for him was the one,” said Barham’s roommate Phillip Washington. “I shit you not, later that night he told us that he was being naive earlier, and that the girl he passed on his way to Ian’s was the one he was meant to be with.”
Unsure of how to slow down Barham’s odd new feelings, his friends tried to keep him in the apartment as much as possible. They quickly gave up, however, when they realized that the windows overlooking Johnson Street provided him with a conveyor belt of new soulmates.
“Haha, yeah, I’m like, so over that girl that I caught a glimpse of as she walked into the second floor bathrooms of Ingraham!” said Barham while scrolling through the Kay Jewelers’ website for engagement rings. “I just know that the blonde girl that I saw pass by in an 80 bus would make a great wife.”
With no end in sight, anyone on campus could be the next apple of his eye and inspire Barham to write his thirteenth marriage proposal.