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"Where'd Everybody Go?" Asks Freshman After Confusing Fire Drill with Tornado Drill

It is fair to say that Charlie Boyl is not the sharpest tool in the shed. Boyl has been a UW student for almost 3 months now and still hasn’t gotten the hang of how this whole “college” thing works. Boyl is so dimwitted that he managed to mix up the protocol of a Fire Drill with a Tornado Drill.

“Look okay, I can admit it. Sometimes, it takes me a few times to get the hang of things, but there are a lot of things to remember here: Where to take a shit, where to fill up my water bottle, making sure I don’t mix the two up. It’s a lot god dang it!” said Boyl.

What an idiot! Boyl was minding his own business, looking at internet memes while enjoying some Imagine Dragons. Suddenly, he saw his roommate get up and walk out of the room. Boyl didn’t think much of this.

“He’s always leaving the room and stuff, so I don’t know…” said Boyl.

Boyl then realized he had to take a shit, thought about where he had to go, and left his room only to find an alarm going off in the hallway. Boyl couldn’t seem to find anyone to ask what to do, so he began to panic.

“Dude, I literally didn’t know what to do. I remember one of the drills was to curl up in a ball and lay on the floor and the other was to go stand outside. So naturally, I picked the first one. It’s cold as fuck outside” said Boyl.

The minutes following the drill were quite confusing for Boyl’s fellow floor 9 residents, finding Boyl, alone, laying on the floor, head tucked. We were able to get a quote from one of the other residents.

“I don’t know. I didn’t really even think anything of it at this point. That guy is just such a fucking moron.”


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